so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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