Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
