the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
