if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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