i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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