I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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