My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
