there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
