she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
