Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
