Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
