Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
ttyl tear gas
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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