he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
