a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't deserve a penis
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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