hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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