i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
