True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
