if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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