Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
