dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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