If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
