just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
