You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
