Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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