Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
