Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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