I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
