There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
