i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
