I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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