After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
