Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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