maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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