Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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