Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
