He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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