at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
