do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
