You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
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