I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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