my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
