Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
