Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
