But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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