How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
