If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
