I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Too much gin, very little bucket
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
