I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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