You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
