Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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