my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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