I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
