I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
nutella sex= disaster
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize