The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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