I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
