i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize