If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk