Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat