i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?