Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
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WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
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I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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