I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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