I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
