69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you never un-have a 4some
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
