just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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