Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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