Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
